My name is Shiru/Rhys, I'm 19 in a couple months, and I'm pangender and pansexual.
Recently I've been going through a lot of changes in my life. Last year I finished up my first year of college and the second semester... didn't go so well.
I grew up in an LCMS Lutheran home. My Dad is a pastor, my Mom is a teacher, both of my sisters are teachers... and I made the mistake of going to an LCMS university. I've decided to take some time off from school because of everything that is going on in my life. I've become ELCA Lutheran (big difference from LCMS- for one, they accept LGBTQ people- and not the 'hate the sin, love the sinner' type stuff.), I discovered that I was pansexual and pangender that second semester, I was having serious doubts about my major, and becoming severely claustrophobic. I was having issues with money and other things as well. This all translated into academic problems, oversleeping, depression, and I came very close to suiciding. Over the course of the summer I managed to figure out that I needed some time away from school to get my head on straight. And so I set about making plans and trying to convince my Dad to stop trying to talk me into changing my mind.
I eventually decided that one semester wouldn't kill me (hah!) and it would give me more time.
I finally managed to convince my Dad to accept that I would only be coming back for one semester three weeks ago.... but the first day back at school- I freaked out and realized that I couldn't do it. (a week ago) Tonight I finally managed to tell my parents and especially my mother that I'm unenrolling from school. My mother thinks I'm quitting and that I'm ruining my life and she cried/sobbed through most of our conversation. My dad was just quiet.
I'm sad, but I know I'm making the right choice.
My only problem is- I need to come out to my parents about my pan-ness and I want to do it sooner rather than later- so I can finally be free of having to lie to them and to be something I'm not in front of them. But if my parents responded so strongly to just taking a couple years off and ruining my life.... how am I ever going to tell them that I'm screwing up any chance of Heaven and that I'm basically going to Hell (in their view.) It's not as if they'd be mean... they'd be distraught. They'd cry. They'd want to know what they did wrong. My Dad would quote Bible verses at me and try to convince me I'm not pan. That- well... in that vein. (And okay- I'm still terrified that they'll be prejudiced religious assholes and my sister will revoke my godmother status over her son.)
I guess I'm looking for advice and hugs.
Anyone who's gone through the same sort of thing?