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Mon, Oct. 6th, 2008, 07:37 am
brandonboggs: Eh.

So I'm Brandon, and I'm fifteen.
I'm gay. I KNOW that. I don't want to hear how I can't know because of my age. I know, trust me.

In any case, I have ALWAYS been kind of scared of telling my parents about my sexual orientation. My father is a die-hard redneck idiot who is biased against anything different. My mother is a conservative christian who thinks that God hates homosexuals. But, in the end, I obviously was going to tell them. I just wanted to wait until I was perfectly comfortable. Until I was sure I had all my bases covered and I could sit down with them and tell them EXACTLY how I feel.

But, my mother intervened.

She started hacking my email account and reading everything. Apparently a Gay Straight Alliance thing was there. So, in the end, my mother cornered me one day and forced me to tell her I'm gay. She then easily said 'I don't think people are born like that. It's wrong, read the Bible'.

I was torn apart emotionally.

Shouldn't I choose the time and manner that I come out?!
Shouldn't I be the one who decides that?!

I will never forgive my mother for that; even if I love her unconditionally.

Are my feelings incorrect?

Mon, Oct. 6th, 2008 03:43 pm (UTC)

Absolutely not! You're allowed to feel like this. It'd piss me off, I know that. Coming out is an incredibly personal experience; at the risk of sounding cliched it's something that should be COMPLETELY up to you.

Your mother had no right going through your emails! Also, her saying that she thinks gay people are wrong is completely up to her. She can say that if she wants - it's a pretty typical homophobic response! However, her opinion won't magically make you change - sometimes that takes a while for people to 'get'.

Also, thumbs up for GLBT youth :) I'm fifteen too. Question: How long ago (approx) was this?

I told my parents several years ago and they still don't believe me. I'm looking ahead and I think I'll have to tell them again at least twice, haha. That's one of the important things I've found (and by no means am I an expert, lol!) - coming out doesn't necessarily make it easier on you.

Good luck!

Mon, Oct. 6th, 2008 09:50 pm (UTC)

Laura! It's been a while, lol... I can't remember for the life of me how we met on here, from what community or whatever :P
It's not cliche at all. It's absolutely correct. It's your life, your true self. So it really is completely up to you.

So yes, Brandon, your feelings are natural and justified. Being gay shouldn't be such a big deal that parents are hacking their kids' email accounts for possible information, instead of sitting down and having an actual conversation.
After your mother has some time to think about it, you may try sitting down and talking to her. There are a lot of homophobic people where it's nearly impossible for them to understand where you're coming from. But if you can do some research and bring some good points to the table, perhaps you can make things somewhat better.
There is a difference between tolerance and acceptance. It may take her a while, but over time and talking she can go from tolerating to accepting.
You'll get through it :)

Wed, Oct. 8th, 2008 11:29 pm (UTC)

Glassarchitect, I agree with you COMPLETELY. I mean, why couldn't she just sit me down to begin with and ask me if there was anything she wanted to know about me. No, she hacked my emails...

I don't really NEED my parents approval. It's just something I would like to have before I die. I mean, I love them! O:

I just can't wait to move out. Haha.

Thanks so much! :]

Thu, Oct. 9th, 2008 04:12 pm (UTC)

That's a wonderful point of view. And it is at the core of coming out. People say it is a choice, but who would choose to be ostracized by their peers, to deal with the uncomfortable and awkward situations with friends and family?
As long as you're comfortable with who you are, that's all you need.
Although I do understand that desire for approval. My parents are similarly distant on the subject. If they don't talk about it, it doesn't exist. A sort of willing denial.
But still, she's your mother. She'll always love you; it just might take her a while to come to terms with this and completely accept you for who you are. But in time, she will.

Wed, Oct. 8th, 2008 11:27 pm (UTC)

This was right before school started this year. I'd say about two months.
I was... angry with her. I still am!

I'm so afraid to talk to her about it. D:
She hasn't brought it up since then, though.

Thanks so much for the support! <333

Thu, Oct. 16th, 2008 07:31 pm (UTC)

NOPE!!!!, that fucking sucks! you should be the one to call the shots, not her, you're not wrong for how you feel, don't ever feel bad for how you feel (...??????) sounds exactly like something my mother would do, (in my case i'm glad that she isn't computer literate, meaning she doesn't know how to work a computer) anyways, all you should do is be proud of who you are as a person and don't let anyone drag you down hang in there kiddo!, any questions or anything at all, feel free to comment on my journal anytime,