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Fri, Oct. 24th, 2008, 05:27 pm

I am a lesbian but... I don't know who to tell first. Obviously my internet friends now but my real friends don't, and I want to tell somebody who'll believe me and stand by me and not tell anybody about it until I am ready. Unfortunately, I am not sure if such a friend of mine exists. :( I don't want to tell my family yet, either, but at this point it seems like I'll have to.

I could tell two people: my older brother or my older sister.

Somebody I love will know.
They are old enough to keep a secret.
They have knowledge that I don't about love, and could help me find love.
They're amazing.

They could tell my mom.
They might stop talking to me.
They might not believe me and think I'm going through a phase.

I honestly am terrified of coming out, but I want to tell somebody first. The obvious choice is my older brother, but I could just as easily come out to both. :/ What should I do?


Sat, Oct. 25th, 2008 12:54 am (UTC)

You've got a perfect conversation opener. Ask for opinions on the california prop 8 on same-sex marriage. Use that to gauge their response and then continue on.

Good luck!!


Sat, Oct. 25th, 2008 02:51 pm (UTC)

I say this a lot, but you might find P-FLAG helpful. It's a sort of Al-Anon for, as the name says, parents and friends of lesbians and gays. That may make it sound like it's for everyone but you, but in fact it includes many gay youth. You can talk to people who've been through this on all sides. I don't cotton to all of their methods (they're still flogging the more traditional -- and likely false -- paradigms about gays), but they can be good in helping you sort out your current position and options, as well as whether and how to talk to the other people in your life.

Tue, Oct. 28th, 2008 08:23 am (UTC)

If they haven't given you a clear reason for thinking they would react badly, then the odds are very much in your favor. Especially since it sounds from your post that you have a good relationship with both of them.

Of the cons, only the first two are worrisome. A lot of people have the third reaction ("It's just a phase") and in time people get over that, usually pretty quickly, when they see you're serious. That reaction isn't something to fear. It's just something to handle by being clear and reinforcing what you said later on.