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Wed, Oct. 29th, 2008, 11:53 am
suburbannerd: am i gay ???

this posts has nothing to do with coming out ...(at least i think) ...

how do i start this ??? okay ...Im a guy ... 16 this year ...
from childhood i've always love what girls do .... i love pink,love cosmetics and whatnot and shit .... My mom always told me it's wrong to do those things that associates to the female gender,it sort of came off natural to me.Got humiliated and insulted during my pre- and primary school year ...it got through until I started secondary school that I've decided to stop all those girly thingy ... It's fucking difficult not to be myself cause I'm doing these for my family and friends ... then when I started puberty at the age 13 or 14,I realised that i've not come to terms of liking girls in a sexual way(not that i can remember of).....

INSTEAD,i always have wet dreams of guys and I always check them out ... Come to think of that,i've never had those "feelings" for girls .... INSTEAD, i have feelings for guys."When a cute or a hot guy just walk past me,i always checked them out or take a peek and I always let a huge squeal in my heart like." OMG HE'S HOT/CUTE!"

I fucking hate myself for that,im a muslim by the way.its hard cause its considered sinful ....

I don't have gay friends and nearly all my friends have gf's/bf's ... I' m always alone ... & everytime i hung out with my guy friends and when a hot/cute chick seems to walk pass by us,they would try to woo her and I WOULD FUCKING PRETEND I FANCY HER .... FUCK THESE FEELINGS.
My friends would always asked me ," Hey,when are you going to have a girlfriend ?" I would lie to them saying that I'm not in the mood to be in a relationship cause I'm focusing on my studies ... The thing is I want to be straight and start a family   but the fucking problem is how can i fuck my wife without liking her/feeling aroused within her prescence in that manner ? I don't want to disappoint my family ... And I'm living in ASIA! Its hard when you're living in a country that doesn't support 'your kind'

~ SO AM I GAY ???
~ i need help please/ im begging in each one of you !!!

Wed, Dec. 3rd, 2008 03:28 am (UTC)

We can't really decide for you, of course. We can take what you tell us and say "If I were you, I'd probably call myself gay," but when it comes down to it, you're the only one who knows who you are. From the first little bit of what you said, about liking pink and cosmetics and "girly" things, I might wonder if you might be trans*, but you might not be ready to even consider that possibility, so I won't push. You sound pretty definitely into guys, though.

Don't worry. There are a lot of identities out there besides GAY and STRAIGHT, and even if you turn out the be GAY-identified, it will be okay. When you're done with school, when you're out in the world, when you're away from your family, it'll be a lot easier to... If you haven't figured it out by then, which is a perfectly wonderful thing, it'll be easier to think about it, and if you have figured something out, it'll be easier to come to terms with whatever it is.
I mean, really, I don't know what it'll be like for you. I have no idea what it's like to be queer and Muslim and living in an intolerant country, but I'm looking at it like this: it's pretty hard now, so eventually it has to get easier.

Best of luck!